Empathy in leadership is about doing hard things with your heart, your head and your gut.
The Power of Empathy: Transforming Leadership for a More Civil World
On January 6, 2020 we were leading a virtual training when we could feel the group becoming agitated and distracted. We inquired with the group and learned The Capitol was under siege. There was no way our training was going to proceed as planned. In that moment we faced a challenge many leaders encounter; we were not going to step over what was happening – but the big question for us was how to
proceed without stepping in it.
We recently used this experience in a leadership session designed to expand the capacity for empathy in emerging leaders. We share it here to prompt reflection on when and how you practice empathy in your life and we offer some tips to grow as an empathetic leader because change starts with you.
1. Empathetic leaders take a genuine interest in the people around them, and try to understand their point of view, even when they don’t agree.
Empathetic leaders practice civility. Civility is about more than being nice or polite. It is a mindset you hold about other human beings. It calls for tolerance of differences and respect for one another. Being civil means treating others with respect, and compassion, even when you disagree.
Knowing there would be many different perspectives about the riots, we established some ground rules for the conversation. We dipped into our superpack of skills and reached for Shared Agreements. Co-creating these ground rules made it safe for people to share their feelings about the situation without attacking each other or making alternative perspectives wrong. Enhancing civility in your organization (and in your life) can create a way for people to be with each other during times of conflict, whether that conflict is from politics, beliefs, backgrounds, or mis-aligned work personalities.
2. Empathetic Leaders seek to identify with and understand the feelings of others.
Empathy involves actively sharing in the emotional experience of the other person. It helps another person feel connected to you – seen and understood. But here is the trick and a place where many leaders lose their way… there is nothing for you to SOLVE, nothing for you to do. Empathic leadership is a way of BEING with another person.
As the events of January 6th were unfolding we knew what the group needed most was to sort out their feelings in-the-moment as they tried to make sense of what was happening. Once again, we put our toolkit to work; Three Levels of Listening became a valuable asset. Holding space, deeply listening to what was said and unsaid, helped them unearth and begin to process the events of the day. It fostered a deeper connection to one another and the situation.
Levels of Listening
- Level 1 Listening = “me channel.” You are listening from your head, your internal narrative.
- Level 2 Listening = “other focus.” You are listening from your heart, to their emotional narrative and listening for their connections.
- Level 3 Listening = “environment.” You are listening from your gut, to what is unspoken that needs to be stated.
Being an empathic leader starts with you creating an environment that feels safe, physically and psychologically. And it’s up to you.
3. Empathic Leadership is a journey – not a destination.
The great news is, wherever you are on your journey to becoming an empathetic leader, empathy is a trait that can be learned and your capacity to practice empathy can expand. One way to do this is to understand how empathy shows up in you and work to expand your range of expression.
American Psychologist and Author, Daniel Goleman identifies three types of empathy, each of which offer important attributes to be an effective empathetic leader:
- Cognitive Empathy (head): the ability to understand another’s perspective.
- Emotional Empathy (heart): the ability to physically feel what another person feels.
- Empathic Concern (gut): the ability to sense what others need from you.
Knowing what type of empathetic expression is needed in a given situation or for a given person will let you be a more supportive presence to them.
Reflection: Grow Your Range
Think about a time where you were or were not feeling a lot of empathy for a situation or a person. It could be in the past, current or one looming out there. Jot down a few insights:
- What empathy type shows up in this situation for you?
- Pick one other empathy type (head, heart, or gut) – one that will help expand your range as an empathetic leader.
- How might listening more deeply help expand your perspective or points of view?
- What will you do differently going forward?
Understanding your own empathetic tendencies will go a long way in helping you develop the three types of empathy needed to be a truly impactful, empathetic leader.
Empathy in leadership is about doing hard things with your heart, your head and your gut. Empathetic leaders take a genuine interest in the people around them and try to understand their point of view, even when they don’t agree. When folks see you being empathetic, they will notice; you lead the way. Empathetic leaders create civil places to work – a refuge from, and lesson for, less than civil conversations in our world.
We’d love your take on this topic… Where has it popped up in your life, what have you tried that worked… or maybe didn’t? Please join the conversation and chime in by emailing [email protected].
Humanity works because of you!
Kate and Debbie
